I always have this thing where if I lose something I need to replace it. This is in terms of living things, not inanimate objects. But if a pet dies I need to replace it. If I am struggling emotionally I tend to start thinking about small furry animals at those times too. The result of this is two dogs, a cat and three rats.
Now my eldest daughter is leaving home and I am once again feeling the need to obtain a replacement. Of course I can never actually replace my daughter. And it’s not as if I won’t be able to see her again, she’s only going to my parents’ house and I know where they live! But with the imminent grandchild, the autistic son, the hyperactive daughter, I think I probably have quite enough on my plate at the minute and I am trying to bite down hard on this urge in the hope that I will get over it in time.
My husband, who at first said he was putting his foot down and there was no way we could have another animal, reached the eye-rolling stage a couple of weeks ago. He actually said one morning, “I don’t want another animal but I’m sure I’ll love it when we get it.” This is not entirely helpful to someone who is fighting these urges. I was hoping for his unconditional obstinacy to help keep me strong. I really need that lack of support in place right now.
To make matters worse, our neighbours have a new puppy who keeps escaping into our garden. She is absolutely adorable, a little cross of some kind by the looks of it, really friendly and sweet. In the aftermath of our cat being run over and turning out to be absolutely fine, I think my husband went mad. This puppy came over for a visit and he said, “Shall we keep her?” He went on to say it would be really lovely to have another little doggy, a smaller one than the collies, something really cute. I think he’s lost it. He’s supposed to be the one that stands there all stern and says, “No, we are not having another bloody animal.”
So this has left me all confused and anguished, because I really do desperately want to get another small fluffy, I actually wanted a smaller one last time and got a collie because he doesn’t like little dogs, and now he is practically giving his blessing and I keep seeing adverts for just the kind of doggies I would love to have at very reasonable prices. Affordable, anyway. In fact I came across the ideal puppy just this evening and this has prompted me to get all this off my chest. I have to stand firm or I will be off to collect it tomorrow and I really can’t do that, it’s not really right. I mustn’t.
So it’s gone from me being needy and him standing firm with the NO to him going all soppy and me trying really, really hard to stand firm with the NO. The fact that he has come round to the idea is to do with him knowing me so well, understanding me, and loving me very much. But it’s not entirely helpful at the minute and I am going to end up with a new puppy by September if I am not very, very careful. But it beats goldfish and snakes any day, and the children could probably be persuaded that they would prefer a puppy any day…..
No, no, no, no, no……………………………………………..
