Sooooo Not a Good Idea

#1 has decided to go away for a few days to see her, well, ex-stepfather is the best I can come up with. I don’t mind her going to see him, he’s not a bad bloke, I just couldn’t actually live with him. The thing I’m not so happy about is that it’s all the way in Gravesend and we’re in Surrey and she is almost 38 weeks pregnant now so the baby could be along at any time really. If she goes into labour while he’s at work (another AA patrol like my hubby), it could take him hours to get back to her, and then it’s an hour back here and another half an hour to the hospital. That’s if the traffic is good.

So she might end up having the baby in a hopsital in Kent.

Or in the back of a Porche on the M25.

I am only her mother, though, not her keeper. Everything will probably be fine. First babies are often late (although she herself was born 10 days early). Even if she does go into labour it’s likely to be fairly long, unless she turns out to be one of these women that’s in labour for about half an hour. If that’s the case, even if she was here she wouldn’t make it to hospital; I am trying to be calm about this. Rational.

But it’s not easy. I’m like a cat on hot bricks right now and it’ll get worse. And my husband was talking about going away camping next week when he’s on holiday. 10 days before the baby’s due. Talk about laugh!

Summer Holiday Fun

Well here we are, summer holidays underway and OMG!!! Somehow the kids are still alive but I really don’t know how. I have been so busy trying not to bang their heads together that I have hardly been near the PC. Well, that and my son has been on it almost constantly.

The very first day of the holidays I got the backdated tax credits and decided to take my eldest shopping for all those last-minute baby things she hasn’t got yet. Of course I had to take all of the children, so we traipsed around town with the promise of a visit to Hobbycraft if they were good. So they were good. We went to Hobbycraft and bought origami paper for #2 and paint-by-numbers for #3. Happy children. But…..

But…..

But then we had to go to Mothercare and Argos, next to each other on a shopping estate some distance away. #2 and #3 didn’t want to come in. I went into Mothercare with #1 and #4. We got some bits in there. We went to put them in the car. I checked on the others. I had parked in the shade and left the windows down so they wouldn’t die or anything. I asked them if everything was okay and it all seemed fine so I popped over the road to Argos with #1 and #4 still in tow. We looked in the book and ordered our stuff quickly. #4 dashed out of the doors and had to be caught by a nice man before she ran straight under the wheels of a large car. This was mildly embarrassing, but I was hot on her heels at the time. Anyway, we had taken about 5 minutes to do this, and then had to wait about 5 minutes for our goods – you know how Argos works, with the book and everything….anyway.

I was literally collecting the stuff when my name was called out. I looked around and a middle-aged woman came rushing over. “Your children are rather disturbed in the car,” she said. “There is another lady staying with them. They said you were in Argos and told me your name.” I don’t know if she was disapproving or not, I was so embarrassed. I did say, “Oh, they’re probably fighting.” and managed to thank her before I rushed off.

I got to the car and there was indeed another lady standing by. All was quiet apart from some subdued sobbing from the back seat. As soon as I appeared on the scene the shouting began again, with both of the children wanting to fill me in on their version of events first. The woman explained that there had been screams and things being thrown out of the windows, which had prompted her and the first woman to see what was happening. I thanked lady number 2 and told the children to shut up as I was not interested in what they had been up to. I was very unhappy with their behaviour and the fact that they had dragged all these other people into it, and I did NOT want to hear another word about it. It took 10 minutes for them to fully get the message, but in the end peace was restored.

 So that’s it. I can’t leave them alone together for 10 minutes EVER. World war 3 will surely break out if I do. Today I was out with them again and ended up having to make them walk one on either side of me so they couldn’t fight.

Roll on September…this is going to be a LOOOOONG holiday.

Tax Credits

 I called the tax credits. The guy I was talking to seemed a little unhelpful at first. I was explaining that I now get DLA and he said it wasn’t relevant as it is not counted as income for tax credits purposes. I said wasn’t there an extra allowance or something on the tax credits? He said yes, for a disabled child. Did I have a disabled child? I explained that I was told we had to be getting DLA to get this extra Tax Credit component. He said they are unrelated.

 So he asked me how long my child had been disabled, and I told him he was born like it. He was incredulous. How long have you been getting tax credits? Why didn’t you put this down on the original claim form. I said we didn’t know and he had only just been diagnosed recently. Next question – how long has your son been disabled? As in when was he diagnosed? That’s easy, quick check of the calendar, 23rd April. That was when the consultant told me the diagnosis was Autistic Spectrum Disorder, so that is the date from which he is officially ‘disabled’.

Oh my God I have a disabled child!

Anyway, the now very nice man (who obviously realised I was a poor hopeless idiot with no understanding of the way in which tax credits work) explained that there was a disabled child allowance of £48.84 a week, which I was now entitled to, which would be backdated to the 23rd of April as that is when my son was diagnosed. Not related to the DLA after all. 12 or 13 weeks of back payment to come. Worth £586-634. Less 25% because we are still repaying an overpayment from 3 years ago when my husband had an extraordinary year because the AA was taken over by new people and they threw bonuses at the staff. If we’d waited until April we wouldn’t have owed them a thing because Good Old Gordon changed the increase of earnings limit from £2500 to £25000. But I realised we would be over the £2500 in the October and called them up…..well, I had to get a job and everything.

Mind you, that worked out for the best really, because it is a great job and it has served me well. Hopefully I have served them well too. But we probably couldn’t have managed without it over the last year. So never mind that wee matter of having to repay all that money. If we were less honest, or were foreign, we wouldn’t have had to pay a penny (foreigners being allowed to get away with over-payments on the basis that they may not have understood the forms – I am an intelligent woman who speaks English as a first language and I don’t understand the Tax Credits system. Isn’t it racist to say that only foreigners don’t understand it…?) but everything happens for a reason, so I’ll have to let them off.

Anyway, the point is, if you have a child with any form of disability (even if acknowledging the fact that it isa disability is the hardest thing for you) and your earnings are such that you are in the Tax Credits system, you can qualify for up to and extra £48.84 a week and it doesn’t seem to be related to whether you qualify for DLA. Anyway, you can call and ask, it doesn’t cost a lot and it could be worth a good income boost if you are at the lower end of the scale. In our position it is worth the full amount (less the aforesaid repayments for the overpayment, but that’ll be all done soon), but of course it is reduced at the same rate as the rest. Worth asking, anyway.

DLA

Having had a diagnosis for #2 that he is autistic, albeit mild, I learned that we might be able to claim Disability Living Allowance on the basis that he needs more help than the average 9 year old. So I downloaded a form. Oh mu God, it ’s long, complex, and quite difficult to answer.

The easiest way to do it is to just be totally honest in answer to the questions. Well, that’s not what all the advice sites say, they say to really exaggerate, but I found that I was surprised by how much I actually do for him and so simple honesty seemed just fine to me. As much as the top rate of DLA might be wonderful, I would be grateful if I got any, because although I do a lot more for him than I do and have done for my others – even the 6 year old is more independent than #2 – I don’t really know what’s average for a child his age. He might only be normal, really.

Well, after several weeks of waiting, and having the DLA people write to both the school and the consultant, I had a phone call on Monday asking to clarify the night care #2 needs. Now Ioften have to get up to deal with night terrors, nightmares, drinks and bedclothes. Not all the time, but it can be more often if he’s stressed, and of course it is unpredictable and could be any night. But I know that some children are prone to sleep problems even at the age of 9 without it being any kind of disability-related problem. So I still don’t know if it counts.

I did have some money paid into my bank account the other day, which was nice, so evidently I do qualify for something, but what it is I just haven’t a clue really. I haven’t had the letter yet! By sitting and doing some sums I think I have worked out what it is – middle rate plus lower mobility allowance. Which is £62.60 a week all told. Just for filling in a form! And for the effort of making a free phone call I can get another £48.84 a week from the tax credits because you get extra for “disabled” children. I could also claim carer’s allowance (worth up to £50 a week but it’s means tested so probably about £10-15). We may qualify for housing benefit and council tax benefit because of the extra allowances and the fact that much of this extra money is not counted as income!

This is going to make life soooooo much easier. The last few months, with the increases in fuel and food, have been really tough. I thought I must be frittering money away but couldn’t think what on. Then I realised how much prices have gone up, with pasta doubling, for example, and bread and milk up about 25-40% each. As for diesel…..don’t talk to me about diesel! I drive a lot, especially with having to take #2 into school now (which he is much happier to do now he isn’t going on the bus!).

Well, if you are a random person out there who found this by typing in DLA, and has stuck with the whole rambling blog, I would say it is worth applying. You may or may not get anything, or what you expect, but the way things are right now every little helps. You just have to be really honest about what help you/your child needs, which can be painful and eye-opening. Especially if it’s your child, because you may not have realised just how much help you give them that is over normal. You just get on and do it when you’re a parent, don’t you?

Good luck

Talented?

 Two people have told me this week that #3 is really good at singing. One was the music teacher at the school, who ought to know a good singer when she hears one. “She keeps very good pitch,” she said. Can this be the same girl we’re talking about? I wondered. #3 Likes to make up tunes, and I guess her talents do not extend to the creation of music, at this point in time anyway.

 The headmistress, on the other hand, said that she had missed #3 on Wednesday (when she was off school ill) and hoped she would come back because she is basically the lead singer and it all fell apart dreadfully without her. #3 has great confidence, at least in a group, and will sing nice and loudly where others mostly just mumble along. Without her, I suppose the group just mumbled, while with her they would probably all sing a bit louder just because of the competition, if nothing else.

 So I find myself wondering if this is her “thing”. I do hope so. We can build on it, if that is the case. She needs something, I know that. I was telling her about all these people saying how good she was, and how proud that made me feel for her, and she put her hands over her ears and asked me to stop saying nice things to her. “It makes me feel strange,” she said. “I don’t like it.”

 I asked her if it made her feel uncomfortable. If she felt she didn’t deserve it. If she thought she only deserved to be shouted at and told off. She agreed with all of these. Which is really, really sad. No 6-year-old should feel that they don’t deserve praise. What have we done to her?

 She is a difficult child, quite hyper, never listens, very clumsy, never thinks about consequences in any way shape or form. So she does get told off a lot. And shouted at because just asking quietly simply never gets through. And I always feel bad about it, but it seems the only way most of the time. But now it is definitely time for a change, because I cannot face myself about this, about the way she’s feeling. I have told her Dad too. We have to stop saying things like “You never…..” and “Why is it always you?” and “You always…..” Always and Never are about to become banned words in our house, except in those very strict circumstances where they are absolutely correct, necessary or are being used positively (eg “You are always so good at getting in the bath.”)

 I know this smacks of modern, liberal, wishy-washy “positive parenting”, but at the minute my daughter’s self-esteem is being crushed and it seems as though we are the ones responsible for that. It is a hard time for the middle 2 children at the minute. They know their sister is moving out soon, but there is no real fixed date for anything at present. #2 in particular can’t really cope with such open-ended arrangements, and I think it’s getting to #3 too. So they need support through it, and a lot more patience than they have been getting from us. I think things will settle down after the summer, but in the meantime I must try much harder.

Anyway, I am just about to go and hear this singing angel at her final assembly, and if she really is as fantastic as they say, I will have to see what can be done to give her a boost, something of her own that she’s really good at, and that can bolster her overall confidence. Talented? I think there is a strong possibility that she is.

Nearly There

I am referring to my daughter moving out. It won’t be long now. My parents are almost ready for the room to be decorated and re-carpeted. Then it’ll be sorting out the furnishings, getting all the baby stuff over there, and then #1 just has to decide when she is actually going to move. She will need to apply for benefits that day! And hope they come through quickly, too, as my parents are in no position to actually support her financially in any way.

There is probably a way around that, because at the minute I claim child tax credit for her. This means that I can claim a maternity grant on her behalf, which in turn will mean that she gets the money sooner, leaving her more choice of when to actually move. It’s £500 so it will cover board for a few weeks if necessary, as well as enabling her to buy anything else that she still needs, which isn’t a lot. A steriliser. Some nappies. Those hospital essentials every new mother needs. And we need to check how she is doing for newborn clothes, because we haven’t actually counted them yet and it’s always possible she might not have enough.

Nearly there, of course, also refers to the fact that #1 is almost 35 weeks now, and so it is a little over a month until the baby is due. She and her b/f are still unsure what to call the baby, but have agreed on the name Jay at the minute. B/f also wants Damien as a middle name, but he has been on this Damien theme for months now. Personally I think it’s a wind-up, lol, as he is a total piss-taker at all possible times. I have a suspicion that as soon as the baby is born, having seen his beloved girlfriend go through labour (yes, he insists on being there), he will let her call the baby whatever she wants to.

I can hardly believe that I am going to be a grandmother so soon. I told an old school friend the other day, as he is going to be in the country in August and has therefore sparked a bit of a reunion. So I had to mention that there was a chance I might not make it, babies being unpredictable little things when it comes to arrival. He was quite shocked at the thought of me being a granny! I do like surprising people. Mind you, I was surprised that he didn’t know what pmsl and flmao meant (although that can also be lmfao), considering the amount of time he seems to spend on the Internet. Ah, well.

Nearly there can also be applied to the summer holidays (OH! MY! GOD!), #4’s teeth coming through, my dear doggie coming on heat (at which time I intend to breed her with a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel – should be a nice cross), and probably a whole host of other things I can’t quite remember. But right now what is most nearly here is Saturday, and on Saturday I am selling Go-Go bags at my son’s school fair, of which I have 161 small and 55 large – and I haven’t sewn them up yet!!!!!!!!!

Better get a move on then……..

Poorly Children

 What a week! #3 has been running a slight temperature but going to school anyway. #2 has been off for 2 days with a sore throat. No temperature but his tonsils did indeed look red and spotty. All better now, he decided to complain of terrible stomach ache this morning, probably brought on by the fact I told him last night he would probably be well enough for school today! So I sent him in (we were late, the traffic was awful) and then took #3 over to her school, whereupon she burst into tears and said she didn’t think she was well enough for school today.

 This is so unlike #3 (as I said, she has been going in with a mild temperature all week) that I brought her home. This does unfortunately mean that I have her sitting here complaining that she needs a dummy all day. The last of the dummies seem to have mysteriously disappeared; this is seriously nothing to do with me but I do think that at 6 years old she will just have to get over it, really. I had a bit of a look yesterday, but I am not well myself so I’m not going to bend over backwards to find one of the damn things when I am trying to get her off them anyway.

 At least the others are okay but I am on antibiotics for mastitis, which is the worst thing in the universe short of tooth abscesses and childbirth. The breast pain in bad enough, but the horrible flu-like pain in every muscle of your body is just awful. I mean, I’ve had flu but this is even more painful than that. Honestly! So I feel like crap, to be honest and I can do without the children being a pain in the bum.

 #1 is doing okay though, despite being almost 8 months pregnant now. She has a little teeny-weeny bump and has not put on a pound in weight, which means she is actually thinner than when she started although that doesn’t show too much at the minute. Her arms and face look thinner. Not scarily thin though, and she has been eating well up until the last few days, which is a normal thing because the baby will now be squashing her stomach so that very little food fits in.

 And #4 is well, but busy. She is also teething which is making her a wee bit grumpy. It’s her eye teeth, as they call them, the pointy canines which are the worst apparently. They’re nearly there, though, so this  grumbliness should soon be over. My own general grumbles will probably not be over any time soon, however. There’s always something new to complain about, isn’t there?

The Runaround

 Well isn’t it fun when you phone someone to try and find something out and they pass you on to someone else, and they pass you on to someone else…..etc? This is what I am doing at the minute, spending my life on hold in what is possibly a fruitless task anyway. But if you don’t ask you don’t get, so it is probably worth doing, even if it is really hard to find the right person to ask.

This is the situation. My son is entitled to free transport to school. For the last 2 years he has had a bus pass. This is great, it really is; the bus collects him at the end of the road and takes him into school, collecting him in the afternoon and dropping him off back where he started. All at no cost to me. Fantastic. Except that he is really struggling to cope with the bus and I am now driving him to and from school, a 10 mile round trip twice a day. This autism business is a bit expensive at times.

So what I am trying to find out is if the county could possibly pay a fuel allowance instead of sending a bus pass. It is a waste of their money to send a ticket that will never be used and I could really use the help with the ever-rising cost of diesel. I suppose at the very least this quest will save county £300 a year in bus fares, but it would be helpful if I could have that money, although it will not by any means cover my own costs. The fuel allowance is a fairly generous 22.5p per mile, but I suspect that they only count the journey to school in the morning and home in the afternoon, not my own return trips. Still, £2.25 a day would cover the cost, just.

Unfortunately it is difficult to track down exactly who it is that deals with this. I did try asking the Education Welfare Officer who came to see us in November about my son’s poor attendance if she could help. She hasn’t got back in touch with me yet, despite 2 further phone calls to her answerphone. Ah, the joys of technology. So this morning I tried to find out for myself. I called the SCC helpline and was referred to the Petrol Reimbursement Officer (there really is a person whose sole duty it is to deal with this issue). He couldn’t help me, as it needs to be referred to him by someone official. He gave me a number that turned out to be the Special Educational Needs department. As my son isn’t Statemented they were unable to help. They referred me back to the SCC helpline and told me to ask for Admissions and Transport – but not until 2 o’clock, as they don’t answer the phone before then!

Talk about being given the runaround. And of course I fully expect to spend some more time on hold, and probably I will be given yet another number to call. At the end of the day I am fairly sure I will be told that it is not possible for them to provide help with transport other than a bus pass as they are only obliged to provide the most cost effective (ie cheapest) form of transport for free and my son doesn’t have a statement saying he needs to be driven in.

Bugger.

Go-Go Crazy Bones Go!!

Well, if you have a child aged between about 6-11 you will already know all you need to about these small plastic creatures that come in packets of 3 for 99p. They are the latest craze among school-children, and a great craze they too.

I took my son into school late a couple of weeks ago. It was break time and it was lovely to see groups of children, heads down, concentrating on a game of go-gos. Everywhere I looked there were groups and huddles of kids and small, brightly-coloured creatures on the ground, bench or table in front of them. Harking back to the days before marbles were banned, it was a wonderful sight.

I know many people might not agree with me, not least the teachers who have to sort out disputes involving who owns which go-go and whether the games was actually for keeps or not. But I think it is a great game. It encourages co-operation, turn-taking, sharing and competition. All of these are good things, things we want to instill in our children. Who-ever came up with the idea had a stroke of genius that I am sure the company that produces them recognises. Marbles were banned in schools on the grounds that children could slip over on them, being little glass balls. No such problem with go-gos, which are all different shapes, but stand up on their little feet. Every one of them is designed to balance across one finger for ease of throwing, and the games are all basically the same games that were played with marbles before they were a threat to health and safety.

My nephew’s school has already taken the step of banning them, and I am sure others up and down the country have done so or are on the verge of following suit. My son’s school has taken a more enlightened approach, merely limiting the numbers by telling the children they may only bring 5 each in to school each day. This is still a staggering 2000 go-gos in a school with 400 pupils, but more manageable than the 12,000 that were previously in the place with the average pupil having about 30 of them. If they all managed to collect the full set of 80 different go-gos there could be a staggering 32,000 small plastic creatures in the school (over £10,000 worth in just one school!). Resolving the resultant disputes, misunderstandings and thefts would be a full-time job, reducing the time available for lessons to none whatsoever. So it is quite understandable that schools see the need to limit these toys. But banning them? Schoolchildren have far too few of these diversions left to them (no marbles or conkers or yo-yos – all banned). I say let them keep go-gos. The craze will die down and it will be a smaller proportion of the playground who retains an interest after a while. And that will be manageable.