Fundraising

Thankfully now my keyboard is working properly. Yesterday it deleted every time I pressed the space bar, and then this morning it packed up altogether. Working for now, I think it may be time to get yet another. Too many things get spilt on it I suppose, lol.

 I just realised that, with the dangers of the Internet etc, it was a bit silly to say the name of the school. I am sure there are many fairs out there this weekend, so as long as I am vague about it (something I’m fairly good at being), there won’t be a problem. So I have edited the hell out of this and I’m just glad it was practically unreadable yesterday. In fact, maybe it’s a sign that now I have realised this and removed all specific references the keyboard is once again working! I do believe in signs.

Anyway, back to the subject in hand. I’ve never been much of a one to take part in school fund-raising. Schools do get a lot of money from central funds for all the necessary stuff. Having to be a member of the PTA (“you are automatically a member as soon as your child joins the school” – what fun!!), having to bring in loads of stuff and make loads of cakes for the fairs and bazaars and other wonderful things they have, and then buy it all back again when you actually go to the event is just tiresome, it really is. If my child is attending a free school for which I and my husband have already paid dearly in taxes, why the hell should I have to go through all this business of paying for things twice over in order to fund, for example, a new interactive whiteboard? An item, incidentally, which I don’t believe is necessary even at secondary level, let alone in a reception class at primary school.

No, the whole business just pisses me off to be honest. Then they have sponsored this, that and the other – more often than not on a Sunday these days, so I don’t feel nearly as bad about forgetting to sponsor my child. I work with three other people who I don’t actually see, and my husband is an AA patrol so he rarely sees work colleagues and hopefully doesn’t see his customers more than once, lol (it would be a pretty poor show to have repeat customers in his line of work), so the possibilities for huge amounts of sponsorship are infinitesimally small. I remember the shameful feeling of only getting about £2.50 in sponsor money when I was at school and the girl behind me getting £250 because “Daddy took me into the office the other day and I asked all the people there…” By forgetting to go, I can save my children that shame at least.

But #3’s new school is a different matter entirely. It is an independent school, run by a trust, and they really do need the money. This is a school with a blackboard, chalk and a duster. There are trees in the playground that can be climbed. In fact, tree-climbing regularly features in PE lessons! There is one dusty little PC which is used, but not excessively. And it is not in any way funded by the government. Usually, independent schools such as this require fees, but this one is free. A great rarity in this day and age.

So it is therefore my duty to take part in this fund-raising. I only joined the school 2 weeks ago, so I have not had time to do a great deal. I am making some cakes and will help out on the day, as well as spending some money there. But I do feel strongly that I ought to take part as I am not paying in any other way for this school and it has an educational ethos that I love. #3 could be there until she’s 11 and #4 will got here too. I am going to have 10 years as a part of this school, so I had better make sure that it is going to be there for 10 years!

What a change in outlook! I am amazed at myself. I even asked work if they could contribute anything to help, which they very kindly did (go to http://warrenphotographic.co.uk  to see what they do). This is something I have never, ever done before. It is a sign of how strongly I feel, how seriously I take this. It is, after all, my daughters’ education at stake.

MMR and other injections

#4 had her MMR yesterday, being 13 months old. She also had her third PCV booster, having had the 3rd hib/menC booster last months. She was not impressed by the experience of being held by mum while the nurse stuck a needle in her arm. Even less so by being turned around and having it done in the other arm too! Talk about adding insult to injury.

All seems to be fine so far, no swellings or redness at the site of the jabs, no raised temperature or general irritability. Of course, that doesn’t mean a lot. The side effects of MMR usually occur a week or so later….

It’s now three weeks since the injection (this is another one of those posts that I started but didn’t finish), and poor #4 was most unhappy from about 10 days after until this weekend. That about covers the first two effects of this vaccination, which are a mild form of measles and a mild form of mumps. She got the runny nose, hacking cough and red eyes of measles, but no temperature to speak of and a faint rash that I wasn’t really even sure was a rash. Then a few days later she had slightly puffy looking neck/cheeks on both sides, and was really miserable for a few more days. No fun at all, really.

I will keep an eye out for the mild rubella like symptoms in another week or two. It can take longer, but they can get a rash that looks similar to what might be a meningitis rash and if she happened to have a virus with a high temperature at the same time it could get a bit worrying. I have seen the rash before, as my son got all these things when he had his first MMR too.

At least #4 didn’t get a hard lump on her arm from the DTP vaccination as #3 did. When I took #3 for her pre-school booster I had forgotten about that happening, and was very taken aback when her whole arm from her shoulder to her elbow went rock hard, bright red and hot to the touch. This lasted for a couple of weeks before it finally went away, and is evidently a reaction to the pertussis (whooping cough) part of the DTP jab. But it doesn’t say in the leaflet that this can happen, just “a small lump may appear at the site of the injection). When in fact the “local” reaction can be quite large.

Anyway, that is all I can say about jabs for now, and I hope this might be useful to someone, although it’s not laid out very scientifically! It took me hours of scouring the net to find out that these things were normal and ok and nothing to worry about. I do think that the leaflets might mention these things as they are not that rare.

 

Sleeping

Here is one of those aforementioned unfinished posts that I thought I ought to tidy up, finish and get out there…..

My dear friend from Sweden phoned the other day. She has a 10-month-old baby who was sleeping for 10 hours a night from the age of a few weeks but has now started waking up regularly at about 1am. For 2 hours. Cheerful, but awake. She was wondering if I, as a mother of 4 children, had any tips on how to stop this.

Oh how I laughed.

I don’t actually know what the secret to a good night’s sleep is. My first 2 woke regularly in the night until the age of 3 1/2. It never really bothered me that much but then I am a stay-at-home mum so I suppose I didn’t really have to be that well rested, as I could always have a lazy day if things got too tough. Then came #3 who slept through the night from 6 weeks. In fact, before that she barely woke up even during the day. She was the sleepiest child I’ve ever known. I say was, because of course when she started teething it all flew out the window anyway. And now I have #4 who has slept through the night for about a week, but not all in a row. So she’s a bit inbetweeny I suppose, but as I am still mostly a stay-at-home mum I can, once in a while, have a bit of a sit down if I am totally exhausted. Lazy days are now thin on the ground because with 4 children there is nearly always something to do.

So I really don’t know any great secrets other than “rest whenever you can”. However, I know a great many people and experts advocate “controlled crying”. This is where you put baby in the cot, and simply leave it there. When baby starts crying, you give it a few minutes, then go back and offer faint comfort – tuck him back in, etc – but make no eye contact and don’t talk. Then you go off again, for slightly longer. And so on, until baby finally drops off to sleep. Which is all very well, but some babies won’t. I did try this with my first 2, and just ended up with completely hysterical baies who screamed and screamed for hours. They would drop off for a couple of minutes out of exhaustion, then wake up for another round of screaming. And I do mean only a couple of minutes; they were in that much of a state.

So I wasn’t able to keep it up. I didn’t think it was really very good for my children to be left to get into that state. But all the literature about this makes you feel like a failure if you don’t succeed this way. Many books imply that this technique will work for any child, and the only reason it can ever possibly fail is because the parent (mother) is not applying the technique correctly, and is molly-coddling their child. Some things I have read even actually say  this. How good does that make you feel, eh? You are a failure because you couldn’t bear to leave your baby screaming its head off all night? You what?

So I am not a big advocate of this method myself, not because it doesn’t work. I know people for whom this has worked. Not because it’s cruel, either. It works for some babies, and they don’t grow up with terrible emotional problems. No, I don’t like it because of the way it makes you feel bad for not looking after your child properly when in fact the technique goes right against the in-built, natural desire to comfort your baby when it’s crying.

My own method is to sleep with the baby. When it’s a small baby you can bring it into bed with you. When the baby starts kicking your husband out of the bed, it’s time to move into the baby’s bed, as I have now done with my 14-month-old. I put her down, and go to my own bed. But when she wakes up I just get into bed with her. Hopefully this will get later as she gets older and sleeps for longer. If not then when she is a bit older I will spend a week or so settling her down and then trundling back to my own bed again. I will do this in the school holidays so I don’t have to get up in the morning with the other children.

Of course, sleeping with the baby is now very much frowned upon by the experts. Stuff them. Many of them don’t even have children. How the hell do they know what’s a good idea until they have their own. Preferably several of their own so that they can see first hand how very different children can be from each other, and that sometimes there is just not a lot you can do about a problem except grin and bear it until it is either grown out of or you have a brilliant inspiration that solves it once and for all.

There is no right or wrong with sleeping, as with so much else. There is just what suits you best. And lets face it, if you have to work 9 hours a day, plus commute and things, then you are going to want as much sleep as you can get. Perhaps you will have a firmer hand for this controlled crying, perhaps not. But do it when you’re on holiday, as you will be a zombie for a week or so while trying it out.

ps, I do think sleeping with your baby is a great thing to do, but have never done it when drunk or if I have taken sleeping tablets or any drowsy-making medication. Illegal drugs would make you less aware of things too, so best avoid them as well. Same goes for you husband/partner.

 

Do Excuse Me

I have been looking through the “dashboard” of this very blog and have found all sorts of things that I don’t know how to use or what to do with. Not that this worries me in the least. I can leave them alone – the things I do understand seem quite adequate for now – or I can give them a go and probably delete the changes that occur if it turns out to be a cock-up.

I have discovered, though, a fair number of unfinished and unpublished posts lurking around the back of my office. These are things that have been interrupted by small children and forgotten about. Some of them look as if they might have been quite interesting. Well, if you like that sort of thing, anyway. But by now I have completely lost the thread of what I was saying in most, if not all, cases.

It would be nice to think that I might be able to finish and post these thoughts one day. But, talking of interruptions by small children, I am having one right now, so I’d better wind up and publish before there is blood-shed (we’ve already got the sweat and tears – toddlers and their tantrums, eh).

TTFN 

Today’s Big Debate

My poor son came out of school a bit troubled today. This is nothing unusual really, as he really, really hates school, but there was a bit more to it than that. He was troubled because today he had to sit through a sex education video. He’s 9.

This video, from the little he told me, went into quite a bit of detail about the actual act. This, as far as I’m concerned, is not something he needs to know yet. He’s 9.

Sex education has been discussed quite a bit today, it was on “the Jeremy Vine Show” on radio 2. I actually missed most of it, but had I heard it I might have phoned in and told them what my son said the other day. Because on Wednesday he was late into school and missed the video. Of course there was a strike yesterday and the school was closed, so I hadn’t had a chance to speak to his teacher about this issue. But my son had spoken to me. He said he though it was terrible and really shocking that he was to be given sex education. “If I’d thought about I would think maybe in about year 9, nearer to when you might be doing that kind of thing, but not in year 4, Mummy,” he said to me. Which is a pretty cogent argument from a 9-year-old.

To be honest, he sounded a bit traumatised when he told me about it. He tried not to look or listen, and he doesn’t want to think about it. Well, he wouldn’t, would he? He’s 9.

I realise I keep mentioning his age. This is because it is important. I am really unhappy that he has had this rather shocking video shown to him. He’s not too pleased about it either. Add to that the fact that he is Autistic, and probably in many ways has a younger mental and emotional age than that (usually he seems about 2 years younger than he is), I have to ask what the hell is going on.

And I thought that schools had to tell you when they were doing sex education and give you the opportunity to see the material and a chance to withdraw your child from Sex Education lessons. So it was all the more surprising, as I hadn’t heard a dickie bird from them. I am hopping mad, actually. The more I think about it the angrier I feel. I think I am going to write to them to express my displeasure.

And if he has nightmares I might even consider suing.

Had a Thought!

Well, obviously I have quite a lot of thoughts, some good, some bad, very few really worth mentioning. But this particular thought probably is, because I think it is probably quite a good one really. And the thought is this:

We “normal” people must seem to autistic people how hyperactives seem to us.

To put it another way, have you ever met a hyperactive (adhd, whatever you want to call it)? Now imagine being surrounded by them all day. And the sun is too bright, the sounds are too loud, your clothes are too rough, everything tastes too strong and quite possibly things smell too strongly as well. To varying degrees, this is how autistic people experience the world.

I mean, my God, no wonder they struggle. And it’s absolutely no surprise, having realised this, that #2 can’t cope with #3, who really is quite hyperactive. I mean, I find her hard enough to cope with, let alone my autistic son. So I will probably go a bit easier on him about this issue, but try to find another way of dealing with it. Like suggesting that he goes to his room for a while, or that she goes to hers. Seperate them a bit more.

It’s like the sun coming out, today. Yesterday it was a bit foggy, I suppose, but today I am seeing things more clearly, and positively too. There really are things I can do to help. Quite little things. All brought about by having had this insight into what life must be like for my son. Hopefully it will also help #3. We must seem to her the way #2 and possibly even more autistic children seem to us. So there are ways of helping her as well, and it’s all brought about by this single realisation of what my children are experiencing as they live their lives and try to fit into a world that just seems very strange to them.

So in a way, #1 being pregnant is very good timing, as #2 will get her room for himself, something he not only wants but in fact desperately needs. #3 will have a much bigger space (despite sharing with #4), in which she can throw herself about and be just a bit bonkers as much as she likes. And with any luck #4 will benefit from my experience with her older siblings and additionally not have any big differences of her own but simply be “normal”, whatever that may be, if only because it will make her life run more smoothly. And also I suppose I am not sure if I can really cope with another really different child. Or maybe I can. After all, the middle two are total opposites. If I can deal with that I am sure I must be able to deal with anything.

At the end of the day, I just want to find the best way for my children to move forward, fulfil their potential, and most importantly be as happy as possible in life. If these labels are necessary in order for that to happen, then so be it. I can use labels. They can be used as keys for unlocking doors that might otherwise be unopenable. More on this when I find out how to do it!

Well, that’s enough rambling on for now. Write again soon. If you do read all this, please do leave a comment. I’d like to know if this is being read, and maybe even useful or interesting in any way, rather than just clicked on then immediately closed. Thanks

Vague xx

So It’s Asperger’s Syndrome

Had an appointment with the paediatrician today with my son (otherwise known as #2). Going through all the areas we haven’t been through yet. For this assessment of just what it is that’s “wrong” with him. Well, I say wrong, but I don’t think it is so much a wrong thing as a difference that is more different from how everyone else differs in a normal way. Which is a bit convoluted, I know, but is an attempt to describe my feelings about it, when I don’t see my son as having problems as such, he just has problems fitting in. Square peg in a world of round holes.

Well, so, anyway, as the title would suggest, he “fits the criteria” for Asperger’s Syndrome. Only just though. Some areas he’s very borderline. So for now he is being given a label of “Autistic Spectrum Disorder” which is a bit woolly. He will be reviewed regularly and might get the more specific label of Asperger’s Syndrome later on. If he gets worse, basically. Which as far as I can gather from the reading I’ve done is quite likely to happen, with the symptoms peaking at around 12 years of age. But maybe if I manage to find ways of helping him to cope better with the madness that is normality he won’t in fact worsen and will then keep the woolly diagnosis and not really ever get exactly the right kind of help.

This in turns means that he might manage to function in a reasonable manner but at the same time not be fulfilling the potential he could reach were he to have a more certain diagnosis at an earlier age. So effectively he will fit in, but at what cost?

I don’t know. I really don’t know. The doctor said that it’s all very well having a label, but it is merely a tool for getting the right kind of help, a sentiment that I totally agree with. I have gone for years in a certain amount of denial, I suppose, because I do not like labels for children. I was labelled at school – Bright, Intelligent, etc. Fat lot of good it ever did me. Labels do not necessarily serve any purpose, or perhaps the labels I received simply meant “can be left to complete work without any real trouble, does not need help to achieve top marks, nice, easy pupil.” I hope #2’s label serves him better.

I took him into school after the appointment and he really didn’t want to go. He hates school. He mentioned this several times. He also mentioned that he wanted to go home. About a 300 times. Often at the top of his voice. While clinging to me in the school reception, the head’s office and the playground. I did, of course, leave him there. He has to know that I mean what I say. It’s not easy though.

Anyway, I’d better get on and see about making him a chart to show when his dad is going to be at work and at home. He works shifts, you see, and it makes it difficult for #2, as he never knows whether Dad is going to be at home or not. He can’t read the rather complicated timetable that his father has pinned on the wall, so I have to make him a simplified version. That’s going to take a while, as my husband never works the same hours 2 days in a row.

Fun, fun, fun.

Disheartened

My poor son is so unhappy at school, and now that I’ve got the others sorted out I really want to deal with his issues. I don’t know if he’s autistic or just incredibly bright, but either way his very visual way of learning is not being properly catered for at school. They don’t even show them examples in maths, apparently, just describe what to do and then tell them they’ve got it wrong. I’m sure he can’t be right about that, I mean that’s the obvious way to teach maths, isn’t it? Go through an example on the board whilst explaining what you’re doing. Then they get to see it and hear it, increasing the amount of knowledge that gets lodged between their ears.

Or is that just a bit too obvious these days? After all, when was the last time you saw a classroom with a blackboard in it? They all have these super-duper interactive whiteboards now, which are rarely used in the way that a blackboard was. Even the dry-wipe whiteboards were never used as much as blackboards (never mind the fumes of the pens – don’t get me started). All a good teacher needs is a blackboard and chalk, and a really, really brilliant teacher can even get away without that much equipment. Well, it wouldn’t do my son much good, as he needs to see something done. But he only needs to see it done once! That’s the point really.

I’m sorry to go on about this, but it’s really bothering me at the minute. You see, I enjoyed school. Loved it, even. It absolutely breaks my heart that #2 hates it. #3 is nicely settled in her new school, it has put all the fun back into it for her. Cooking today, Art tomorrow, swimming on Thursday and French on Friday. Fantastic. I only wish #2 could go there, but he’s too old to start. I think. I will have to ask really. How pathetic am I when I haven’t even got the confidence to ask if it’s possible for my son to go to a school. The worst they can say is “no”, after all. And if these problems are going to continue I am going to need to become a really pushy mother.

What do I do? How can I make it stop? How do I put it right for him? I would take him out and have him at home, but it’s not really practical at the minute. Also, hubby doesn’t think it’s a good idea, because after all I did nothing with #1 when I took her out. Mind you that was a different thing entirely. It’s still something I am going to bear in mind as we approach secondary school. I just don’t see how he will survive that and I am not going to wait until he’s an emotional wreck before I do something about it this time. That’s why I couldn’t do anything with #1, of course. And #4 will start at nursery at the same time, so it all fits nicely together.

Well, possible plans for the future. Just the next 2 years to get through, eh?

Vague

School Joys and Woes

Well, that’s that. #3 has started at a new school and we are leaving the state system behind, as far as she is concerned, anyway. #4 can go to this gem of an independent school when the time comes, too, so that’s 10 years of baking cakes for the Teddy Bears’ Picnic! Ah, well, I do make a great carrot cake even if I do say so myself.

Telling the old school was, well, rather scary. Having heard from my friend that she was physically dragged into the head’s office and shouted at, I have obviously been a bit concerned about this aspect of the move. Sadly, I have taken the coward’s way out, as I am a coward. I wrote a letter (copy of which is on “The Fall of State Education” page), and this morning I posted it through the letterbox, despite knowing full well that all the staff were there, as it was an INSET day. Then I ran away and spent the rest of the day at my mother’s house, safe in the knowledge that my mobile phone battery had died and there was no way for the school to contact me should they wish to do so.

Of course, they might not call until tomorrow, or even the day after. I probably won’t feel really safe from repercussions until a full week has passed. But at the end of the day it is my decision, and I believe I am following the legal requirement to “provide a suitable education”, whereas state schools no longer fulfil this. In fact if the state system is an example of what fulfils the legal need for a suitable education for each child according to their abilities etc, then no parent need fear the prospect of home education – in so many cases there is no way any reasonably literate and numerate parent could fail to provide at least as good, and probably infinitely more suitable an education than their local state school.

So #1 is doing well at college, and should end the year with a distinction in Animal Care. #3 is so far very pleased with her new learning environment, and #4 can go there too, all being equal, because I honestly can’t see things improving elsewhere in the next 3 years or so. Just got #2 to sort out now. He is “on the autistic spectrum” (still being assessed as to whereon this spectrum, possibly Asperger’s), and currently desperately unhappy in school. It has been a bad year for him, on the whole, starting with his broken arm 2 days before they went back in September. Lots of illnesses have followed, and his anxiety levels have gone through the roof, although it seems to have settled a little bit in that he isn’t washing his hands every half an hour at the minute, and I haven’t seen him bang his head against anything for a few weeks. He still feels very unhappy, but it’s not so bad as to cause these distressing behaviours any more.

#2 has 2 more years at his present school, then it will be on to secondary. I am terrified at the thought of him in “big” school. I really can’t see him coping emotionally, although academically he is rather brilliant – or would be if they were able to cater for slightly odd, very bright children. He did an IQ test on line the other day and scored 150. This was probably a bit generous, my own score came out at 154 on this particular test and I am generally around the 134 mark. Having said that it was an adult test, so that puts it up again. Maybe I should get him properly tested.

Anyway, at least #3 is happy. She is sitting here reading to me, probably because she doesn’t have to, whereas at the old place reading was compulsory every night and so we hardly ever did it. Isn’t psychology an amazing thing. She is obviously rather contrary, just like her mother.

Vague

New entry on the education page – scroll down to “Burning Bridges” if you are at all interested. If you aren’t, don’t go. That’s fine too, lol.

Vague